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My Intimacy


Painting by Holly Smith

I’ve been waiting, searching, digging,
scrounging, pursuing, shoveling;
Yah, shoveling, seeking intimacy.
Safe-accepting, all-knowing, protecting, understanding,
wise-council, warm-embracing filled intimacy.

I’ve looked everywhere – my deepest void going unfilled.
Because who could know the depth of my
ugliness and still desire me.


Have you ever had coffee with Jesus? My Intimacy recounts the struggles we’ve all had at some point. When scrolling through Facebook seems easier than facing our fears, when we toss and turn as our calendars fill up and our to-do lists grow longer, our hearts wander, and our living spaces are oh so dirty. Often times knowing we can’t get it together, we can’t hide our ugliness, we can’t mask our shame causes us to forsake intimacy with the guy who “has it together.”


My Intimacy conveys how not only does Jesus have it together, He is keenly aware that we don’t. Yet He still runs towards us with infinite compassion and lavish love. This is why He died and why, as My Intimacy describes, “He was beaten as he held my heart in his hands… he was paying for intimacy with me.” He died so that we could come with our wound up and anxious hearts and unravel them at His feet.


My Intimacy displays how even though we have “been so blind” God is “changing me so that I could see him, and hear him, and know him.” Living in the reality of knowing God intimately allows the fibers of our hearts to be laid bare one by one. To rest in blissful surrender to the One who can handle our lives, our addictions, and our details. My Intimacy shows how rather than putting our best foot forward, our coffee dates with Jesus are spent telling Him what He already knows, “and through the knowing of Him, I will be changed. My intimacy with Him, so very precious to me.”

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